yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
