girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
