I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
