oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
