I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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