On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
