I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
