There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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