What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
