i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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