Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
