my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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