Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
