yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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