Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
