Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
