I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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