This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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