I met the friendliest cop last night
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
