Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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