Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
