I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You're like the curious george of whores
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
