I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
