one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
