okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
