what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't deserve a penis
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
