sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
