you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
