oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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