Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
