when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
