i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
