You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize