And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
