I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
