don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
