I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
