He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize