were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
we should paint friendship bongs
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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