VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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