I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
