If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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