After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
