I cannot find my penis.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
