I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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