Everything about him screamed your future.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
