I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
