I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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