That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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