i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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