I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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