I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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