Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
