The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
