I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
