AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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