I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
