yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
