How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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