Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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