he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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