oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
