In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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