how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
