my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
