i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
