Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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