Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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